July 18, 2012

Hair Fair 2012: A Virtual Version of Real Life Me

Xandra 03

This is not what I was originally intending to do with my 2nd hair fair post, but I got rather wonderfully sidetracked and thought I'd share something lovely with the world.

First let me explain how I got here. I was digging through my inventory last night, cleaning out all the useless stuff and organizing skin and shape folders, when I came across a shape I'd started working on a long while ago. It was my attempt to make an honest shape of what I looked like in real life. Upon finding the shape, I remembered how I felt making it, which was not very good. Like many an overweight girl, I struggled with self esteem and body image issues, and I was very unkind to myself, filled with self hatred and loathing. I could even see some of those unkindnesses in this old shape, exaggerated bits that were evidence of hurts I carried with me (like too-broad shoulders, having been told that I looked like a linebacker by my friends and my mother).

So I decided to give this shape another go, to really try to be accurate to what I really look like, and dug up some fairly recent photos of myself to use as a reference. And this is what I arrived at:

Xandra 02

And you know what? I like it :)

This is the part that's wonderful. I've spent the past year on the upswing of recovering from some fairly debilitating depression. Life used to be very bleak for me. But now, everyday, life is bigger and brighter and more wonderful. And everyday I find evidence of these good changes in myself. Like this: working on this shape did not make me feel miserable about myself. I actually really *enjoyed* recreating me, and seeing my goofy face in SL makes me smile. You must understand, this is coming from a girl who used to want to get rid of all the mirrors in her house!

No, I am not perfect. I still get cranky and obsessive and lazy. Yes, I am overweight. Yes, I could stand to be healthier. But you know what? Those things are not criteria to judge my self worth by. I am still a good person worthy of love. And I'm finally capable of loving myself. <3

Xandra 01

P. S! The bus stop in the photos is actually this cool little thing where you click the red and white sign and it gives you a random destination to go explore! You can also get a bus stop to place on your own parcel so that explorers might find themselves on your doorstep (I put one at my home parcel :D) There's a HUD and a related group too, but none of them are necessary. It's a really simple, easy to use, fun little thing to do. This stop is actually the 'central hub' in Virtual Holland - it makes a great starting point for a grid hop!

Roll Credits ... 
.hair. "Dawson" by MADesigns (at Hair Fair!)... tinted to match my RL hair
.hairbase. "Shorty" shaved hairbase by 99 Elephants
.skin. "Anya" light by Natural Beauty (closed)
.eyes. "Shine" in green by MiaSnow (even though you can barely see em lol)
.hoodie. "Tainted Hoodie" in brown by KOSH
.jeans. "HD Jeans" in rinsed by A.Y.Y (closed)
.sneakers. "HOCs Sneakers" by HOC Industries
.necklace. "Olen Necklace" by KOSH
.glasses. "Rectangle Framed Glasses" by HOC Industries
.poses. "1/365" & "Emerald City Lamp" by Long Awkward Pose (closed)

.shot on location at. Virtual Holland
.windlight sky. Bristol
shadows and DOF used, light editing in Photoshop


  1. Love this! I remember the meme when bloggers and flickrites alike were asked some years ago to create 'fuller' shapes and up some sliders to achieve a more natural and less Barbie-esque look.

    I loved that way curvy shape till I found my AO making my arms poke in my boobs and prim skirts not fitting me anymore no matter how good my editing skills were. That killed the fun for me. And with mesh now this would even be harder...

    Love you in every shape. <3

  2. Yeah, poses and anims can really cramp the curvy style, that's for sure! Although ... I have a cute Willendorf Venus inspired shape in my inventory that is *hilarious* to watch dancing naked xD

    Thank you Bunny <3 It means a lot to me :)

  3. YAYYY!! Excellent work, you cutey you. *pinches yer cheek and runs away*

  4. Such a heartwarming post. It's great! Do you really have such a wild hairstyle too? =D

  5. JJL <3

    Nicole - Aww thank you! And yes I do! I've had a mohawk in some form or another for almost 3 years now (woah lol). I was actually inspired by SL and my friend Helena Stringer! It started out long, and then I cut it super short for a while and now I'm growing it back out again. :D