June 18, 2010

BBBC: Day 6 ... ooooh experiences.

If this is your first BBBC... What did you get out of your experience? Do you think it will change the way you blog in the future?

Hmmm, this is a tough one. I feel a bit like it was too short for me to really get anything out of it other than a minor diversion. For me it usually takes months of doing something to really feel like it affected me. Does that make me callous? Or numb? Or slow?

I used the BBBC it to escape the mind numbing artist block I have at the moment (for a project who's deadline is swiftly approaching which I have absolutely no idea what to do for). And I learned that beyond the first time I post in a while, nobody seems to pay it much attention. Maybe I'm not writing about the things that interest other people.

Which brings me to something I've been thinking about and dealing with lately. I've been struggling with the fact that I often feel like it's not worth it to share my thoughts, dreams, ideas, or what's going on internally for me. So I don't. It makes me come across as rather stoic or long suffering. And when I tell people about this, they say "of course it's worth sharing! People want to know!". But my experience does not prove that. Rather, what I experience is that no one pays any attention to me unless I do the things that everyone else does or wants me to do.

But I don't want to do what everyone else does or wants me to do. Frankly, I find it boring. Pretending to be normal is so repulsive to me that any time I try I spiral into a deep depression.

So all of you out there that want to give your friends affirmations, think a minute before you tell them something like "everyone wants to know what you feel!". Because with my experience, all I hear is a lie.

2 comments:

  1. You are one of only a few people I know in SL that is honest about who she really is and what she believes in. I love your work, I love your mind, I love your honesty. The way you think and write inspires me to be more open about myself, whether people are interested in hearing it or not. I wanted to do the BBBC but I am somewhat shy and lacked the courage to even attempt it. I have only recently learnt that actually writing things down, in some form or another, is a good way of releasing the things that often build up and get us down. You are an amazing person and don't you forget it!

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  2. Thank you, LJ. It means a lot to actually read/hear those things from people, especially good friends like you. :)

    To tell you the truth, I never feel inspiring LOL. I'm actually surprised when I find out that someone was inspired by me (and not just my artwork). So, I'm honored that you are. And humbled.

    *hug*

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